When the Snow Melts
by icefire13
Summary: "When the snow melts, what does it become?" "Tears." she whispers, "When the snow melts, it becomes tears. The earth sheds tears of sorrow." And that's when I know she's gone.


**this is a Hatori/Kana fic about the night he removed her memories. inspired by the song The A Team by Ed Sheeran. please read and review. hope you cry cuz that's what I'm going for XD**

When the Snow Melts

"Hey, Kana?" I ask, looking up from the day's paperwork.

"Yes?" she asks, avoiding my eyes. It hurts when she does that. When she look at me, but never at my face. Never at my eye. I haven't seen her own beautiful brown doe eyes for so long. I've had to settle for eyelashes and downturned eyelids. And tears. So many tears.

But even Kana's tears are beautiful.

"What do you think about going on a date tonight?" I ask cautiously. "There's a new Italian restaurant in town. Italian is your favorite."

Kana shrugs. "If you want, Hatori."

"I do want." I say after a moment, "I want to go on a date tonight."

"Okay…"

All the way to the restaurant she doesn't say a word.

All the way through dinner she doesn't say a word.

All the way back home she doesn't say a word.

"Kana, why are you so sad?" I ask finally, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"You know why." She turns her head, but not towards me.

I take one of her hands in both my own, running my fingers over the engagement ring I got her for Christmas. She too, looks at the ring but it's impossible to tell what she's thinking.

"It's not your fault." I know it's useless but I try to convince her like I have before, so many times. "It's not your fault, I promise."

"It _is_ my fault." She gasps, sobbing now. I wallow in guilt for making her cry yet again. "If I hadn't…if I didn't tell Akito…Oh, Hatori I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry…" she repeats it over and over again, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I hug her brown head close to my chest as her body is wracked with sobs, a situation we've been in many times before.

"Look," I say, putting my hands on her shoulders, hoping to cheer her up with our favorite riddle. "When the snow melts, what does it become?"

"Tears," she whispers after a moment, "When the snow melts, it becomes tears. The earth sheds tears of sorrow."

And that's when I know she's gone. And I finally accept something I should have a long time ago; we can never go back to the way we were. Never. Not ever.

"Kana?" I swallow the lump in my throat, knowing that this is the end. It's _my_ end. But it's a worthy sacrifice if I can make Kana happy again. I want to see her smile. Want to see her eyes again.

"Yes, Hatori?"

"You know about the curse of the Sohma family?" of course she does, but I ask anyway.

"Yes. You're the dragon…seahorse." She mumbles.

"Uh-huh." I confirm, "But there's another part that you don't know. The Dragon of the curse is bestowed with another ability – to remove memories."

Kana might be depressed but she's not dumb. She knows what I'm thinking immediately.

"No." she declares stubbornly; at least it's a change from her usual mumbling sadness, "No," she repeats. "I won't leave you. I won't."

"Not even to make me happy? Please, I don't want it to be like this either – I'd give anything to go back to the way we were." Tears are running down my own face now and I struggle to keep my voice from cracking. "I love you, Kana, _so much_, but this way is best. I want to make you happy do you hear me? You have to be happy or I'll go insane! You're just wasting away because of me – you aren't happy!" I hear the hysteria at the edge of my own voice and she must hear it too because she finally looks up at me and her eyes and her expression are so mournful and filled with pain and sadness that I have to look away, my tears spilling onto her dress.

Ironically, Kana is the strong one now, putting her arms around me and stroking my hair; even in this state her motherly instincts are kicking in.

"Only for you." She whispers hoarsely, "Not for me, not for Akito, not for anyone. Only you."

"Thank you…thank you."

We both just cry in silence for a minute before I pick her up and carry her into the kitchen, sitting down at the table across from her.

I feel like I should say something meaningful or touching with finality, but nothing I think of sounds genuine, so finally I just put my hand over hers and say, "I love you. Always. Always, _always_."

Then Kana does the most amazing thing. She smiles. It's a teary, blotchy, puffy-eyed, wavering smile, but it's the first I've seen in three months, and it's the last of its kind. For me, anyway. "I know. I love you too."

Then the smile falls and she looks into my eye again. "Do it." She whispers, "Quick before I change my mind."

I bite my tongue and begin sifting through her memories, erasing all the ones involving our relationship; memories of our first date, our first kiss, when she found out about the curse, my proposal to her…Then darker ones including Akito, seeing my injured eye, everything that happened in the past three months right up until this moment.

It's nostalgic, and the most painful thing I've ever done, removing Kana's memories of me. I know she'll be able to feel it too; her memories fading away like dandelions on the breeze.

And then it's done. It's over. It's all gone. Forever.

Kana opens her eyes and looks around, a slightly bewildered expression on her features. She almost looks like the old Kana. My Kana.

"Oh, is this where you live, Hatori-sama?" her voice is light, too and it brings both pain and happiness to my heart. Oh boy, this is going to take some getting used to.

Kana thinks for a moment. "Ah, why am I here, again?"

"Ahem," I clear my throat and put my business voice on, swiping the paperwork from earlier off the end of the table. "You…came by to, ah, pick up a file on one of our patients."

Even saying the word _our_ makes my chest pang.

"Oh, of course, Hatori-sama." Kana giggles, taking the paperwork from my hand. She stands up, a smile still on her face, though it isn't _our_ smile. "Well, I'd best be going now – I have to pick up my cat from the vet."

We'd dropped her cat, Pepper, off at the vet before dinner, and his appointment should be just about over right now.

"Of course." I reply. Kana frowns, looking over her shoulder.

"Are you okay, Hatori-sama? You seem a bit distracted."

"Oh, no. I'm fine." I lie, "My…grandmother died this morning, that's all."

"Oh, I'm sorry." She offers, I can tell she's truly sorry. "But you know what they say – we must live for the ones we have lost."

I watch her walking away from the window. Kana, my life walking away. My heart is turning to ice, and will it will ever melt? I don't believe so.

But we must live for the ones we have lost.

**Gray Fullbuster taught me that we must live for the ones we have lost ToT**

**thank you for reading. **

**luvandpikachus,**

**~ice**


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